Hic et nunc

It has been two weeks since I left. I can't believe it.
I spend my days walking down the streets, busy, noisy, so full of life that I am scared to lose myself.
I don't know how to define this feeling. It's overwhelming.
English people call it "culture shock" and, honestly, I have never thought about the possibility of suffering about this.
I have to admit that I almost did. But then I told myself: "So, what are you doing? Do you want to come back? Why? Haven't you been waiting this moment for your whole life? Now you are here. Stop, get a look around, get a look at those people, just close your eyes and enjoy the moment. It's your once-in-a-life opportunity to do what you've ever wanted. Look at yourself: full of fears, doubts, uncertainties. But...you know what? Today you can change. You can reinvent yourself. That's why you are here. You are here in order to lose yourself and then find yourself, why not, while you are walking in those crowded streets."
I have never thought about this possibilities before leaving to London. I planned a lot of activities, daydreamed for a long time and now, that I am here and "this is the moment", I have lost the "hic et nunc". Here and now.
So, carpe diem, I keep saying. Now it is the moment to change. I don't want to do the same mistakes again. Not anymore. I will take advantage of this experience to start over.

Finally, here is a quotation I really like:

"We'll find out which is our way, once we decide to walk through it".

-Clawdy